HI.   It's been ermmmmmm  11 months to this day since i last posted hahahaha!!!

SO many things has changed.

I'm actually not gonna stay in science anymore =D  gonna go into music =) Been spending these many months practicing for my audition ... piano, clarinet, AND trombone!  UGH so worried and stressed.  And im sooo behind in school it's ridiculous.

What am i taking this year lol ... term 1 was: musc100,121,150A,154, stat200 and psych100;  now im taking musc101,121,150A,154, fren348 and psych100.  Stupid french.

Yeah, gonna have to take an extra year of school =( 

I got facebook too >.> la la la

Boy, what a way to start a new month.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

FLUSTERED.

so many things on my mind now ... sooo pissing ...

starting with school...course planning ... i honestly don't know what i wanna do with my life ... i never actually found out what i like doing, and i dun see myself doing anything tha'ts out there right now @_@  it's totally killing me.  After spending more than 1/2 an hour with the science advising ppl ... i am still left clueless @_@ microbiology/immunology, chemistry, biochemistry, pharmacy, physiology, pharmacology, music ....... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i honestly don't know what to do!!!!!!!  Because it is new for us 1st years this year...to choose ur top 3 majors u wanna get into in 2nd year...and....LOL if it so happens you don't get in to any of the 3...ur stuck with general sciences ...... and u canNOT reapply again the following year....OMFG ....

and the dilemma between teh CHEM courses...ahhhh chem233/235/205 bunch or chem203/204/201 bunch .... 1st bunch is life sciences, 2nd bunch is for chem/biochem.  the problem is you can ONLY do one set. For me it's worse cuz ....

my grades aren't good enough for ANY of those majors too!!!  And i'm super ambitious ... i was thinking of doing a double major in microbiology/immunology and chemistry, with a minor in music ... AND doing a COOP...AND taking a year of education ... so after (i did course planning)....7 years i would have completed 4 degrees.  HOWEVER.  I fcked up big time ... i didn't include a lot of my electives ... so yah ... and also.  Wha'ts the point of getting all these degrees!?  Gosh ...it just frustrates me @_@

...continuing with the chem ... microbio/immu is life sciences, whereas chem is the other part .... and i'm torn between the two @_@.  I hate bio right now (cuz of 112) but i dun wanna shoot down bio  right away without having a chance at it right ... ahhhhhh. It really does feel like a dead end.

and pharmacy ... sigh ... i didn't apply this year.  my grades are HORRIBLE. and my PCAT score isn't out yet BUT i know i did bad bad bad ... so .... so pointless =( i will try again next year but i honestly doubt myself now.

speaking of bad grades....good gracious my last 3 midterms were...ehhhhhhhh one was pretty good i guess (82%)...but the other two oMFG.....53% and 55% .... like come on ..... what is wrong with me ... and i got my physics MT back today .. and i failed it.  YES. i failed it, ok!?  i'm sooo mad at myself ... i try sooooo freakishly hard ...

this feels like high school all over again ... i try sooooooo hard, and i don't get the grades i want (i just want to pass now!!! @_@).....and i always get upset by the fact that i do try so hard and this is what i get...a failing grade....it really kills ur esteem and self confidence ... gosh ... it kills.

FINANCIALS.  AHhhhh ... omg i'm SOOOO BROKE.  i can't believe it  .... my excessive spending finally took it's toll on me ... i can't go anywhere, i can't go buy food ... i can't do anything now @_@  i can't believe i got myself into this ............. sigh ... now i'm really really contemplating of returning my backpack i just got ... and ... camera memory card ... AND the new camera that i have to pick up tmr ... ='(  i can't believe it ...... :'(  why am i such a bad person ...........wwhhhyyy!!!!?!?!?!?   I want/NEED a job badly ... but i don't want to teach piano .................. weird eh?  I know it gets good money, but i find it so much more stressful than working elsewhere like cashier or sumthing!?!!! [a lot LESS pay...] ... and gosh i do go to work interviews but i just NEVER get hired ... it really does seem like the world doesn't want me....it hurts.

and being parentless for these days hasn't always been so bright .... it's hard ... and...yah i i dunno waht to say.

and saturday .. omg it's going to be crazy .... i dunno what to do ... i got 'conflicts' ....... i can't say here .. but it's totally tearing me apart even more ...

performance at aberdeen on sunday with lunar rainbow and other S.U.C.C.E.S.S. sponsors is going to eat up my time tryign to study or do homework or  just ... tryign to FINISH MY GODDAMN ESSAY ..........ahhhhhhhhhh

i have soo much anger right now ... so much sadness ... so much of everything...so mixed up. i don't know waht to do.

i gotta study for math quiz on friday too on which what the FCK is going on!?!??!?!?!

and what's even more fun ... my freakin allergies are killing me gosh my eyes hurt soooooooooo much and i'm constantly sneezing andd ahhhhhhhhhhhh i hate all this!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel so lost.

i don't know what to do.

PCAT.

in 9 hours.

dead.

aiyaiyaiyaiyai!

sunday was so freakin busy >.> went to vivi's house at like 11:45am to record ... finish off that you are the new day song by king singers >.> took until 1:30pm lol ... yah i know i can't sing >.> then jodie,chris,janice comes by for guitar lessons...and jodie stops me midway from leaving and films me on camera for this ylm interview ... sumthing about laughing..i tried to imitate albert's laught but it's totally impossible >.>

[had lunch at mickey D's!! =D yumyumyum!!!] bussed to finsen's place for my very first lunar rainbow band practice!! I was to play the bass...and gosh ... the pieces they had planned to play are so hard ... the one that's going to and is giving me the most pain is X Japan's Endless Rain ... gosh the bass solo is mad @_@ ahha ... anyway.

left at 4:50pm to get to elections canada office by 6pm for the trainig..i got there by 5:20..and apparently training was at 6:30 hahahaha .... so yah a ton of time i was just sitting there, acting polite @_@ and doing nothing ... till i just started to read some my my english >.> then training began.  UGH...it was a long 3 hours. SOO much to do for being a poll clerk!!!! argh! bleh

waited for 30 minutes for stupid bus ride home at like 10pm for a stupid 4 minute ride @_@.

---

today was boring. just classes. classes. @_@  practiced piano, violin, and guitar today .. gosh i really need to practice more @_@.  ciao now!

OK!!!  GONNA BE LONG POST AGAIN >.> cuz gotta catch up a week >.>

8th:  had 1st guitar lesson with vivi ... lol ... it was very interesting ... joined in jodie's, janice's, and chris' class haha.

10th: YLM Group Project Binders were due!!! @_@ Thx to stephen for putting it all together and handing it in =) so much work/effort in it >.> ughh ahaha individual evaluation was 3 pages ... anthony sure didn't like to read that >.> hahaa.  Red Cross meeting today at 5pm...it was sooooo boring @_@ not many ppl showed up, so didn't talk much >.>

11th: FYC Meeting about Sci Factor ... hehe ... not gonna spoil waht the events are if u ppl reading are science students >.> la la la .....

12th: Albert's Bday!  OMFG ur legal!!!! HAHAH!!!  Too cool dude =) Unfortunately i didn't see you so no beats from me @_@

13th: EWWW Math Quiz #1 .. gosh screwed it up =( 1st mark of the term ... i didn't want to omit this quiz cuz it's the freakin 1st one .. and...gosh so evil @_@  Heheh....also...accompanied Albert with jackie to the liquor store at ubc and watched him be a man!!! HAHAHAHA omg too hilarious ahahahah =P

14th (Yesterday): YLM Performance Rehearsal at 12:30pm at SUCCESS ... aiiii my very very first time being in a strings rehearsal....quintet too! HAHAHAH We all had different parts for canon in D...and...ughhhhhhhh  i was the absolute worst one there ='( But it sounded pretty good with all the parts there (3 violins, 1 cello, 1 piano). Hehe ... then ...

YLM GROUP PROJECT EVALUATIONS @_@

Started at 1pm. My group was scheduled at 4:40pm, but then it got so lengthy ... when our turn was up it was 5:40 @_@  GOsh, the 4 hours and 4 minutes of waiting was horrible @_@  I was totally panicking =( because i didn't want to hear "you failed" @_@.  But anyway, when it was our turn ... we entered 'the room' and had ... 4 members of the panel and 1 minutes taker ... then panel started asking questions right away ... if no one volunteers, they pick you to answer and ONLY you answer.  And if u answer too many questions, they dont' let u answer anymore >.> oh gosh  .... but then ... we had really good comments from them after we answered their questions ... like how stephen and myself were good leaders @_@ and didn't really need the facilitators @_@ so that was good ... ALSO .... said sumthign about how our group was one of the best groups in terms of teamwork and bonding this year, as well as previous years ... so yeah that was totally awesome to hear =D. then it was the...

INDIVIDUAL EVALUATIONS

i didn't know how my other group members did, but they were all ok with it. LOL. The wait was terrible. After the group is done, then it was one person at a time in that room. In my mind, i was thinking, omg i must be last @_@...and...it turned out to be that way @_@ hahhahh...but anyway.  Mine was pretty good ... just asked me a few questions here and there that i could answer .. elaborated on some ... and ended with comments from what the panel thinks and what my group members thought of me ....... and they were all very good so i was...pleased and happy hahah........so i didn't need to stress out over this evaluation thingy at all!! @_@ had only 3 hours sleep the night before cuz i was so worried + i was insomatic @_@ anyway.

AFTERWARDS:

[jodie, chris, and i], [anthonyT,anthonyW, alex, janice   (3 panel + minute taker)], and a bunch of other coordinators (let me remember...peggy, kristina, albert, david, tracey, bonnie, howie) all went out for dinner ... Ajitaro? LOL all u can eat sushi in richmond .... [supposedly to celebrate albert's birthday].  OMG soooo funny hahaha .. spent like the first whole HOUR playing this game .... "A is ____", "B is _____", "C is _____", what is D?  Hahhhahah sooo funny .... i think 9 people originally didnt understand it .... then after a while ... it was just down to ...one? ACTUALLY two hahahaha and yah it was just getting too lengthy and anthony made a motion to not play this game again >.> hahahah so dinner was fun fun funnyyy =P.

Next went to albert's house and played these ridiculously hilarious games >.> this....bang bang bang game?  Hahaha...basiaclly we all be in a circle....and we start with 1 person calling a name o ut ....then THAT person has to duck down, and the two people on either side of them have to have this gun motion with hand and say "BANG" to each other .....whoever says it the fastest 'wins'...and the other person goes into the centre of the circle dead, and be the next persont o call out name, and so forth.  If sum1 falsely ducks then u lose too ... if BOTH persons say bang at the same time ... then u go 'showdown' @_@ where the 2 are like back to back cowboys..and say "1...2....3!" and both has to continuously say "bang bang bang bang bang bang.........................." till 1 person can't do it anymore, then that person dies hahaha.  OMG too hilarious ... i only played for one round..and i had to do a showdown with david.  hahaha oh gosh sooooo hilarious .... we started the bang bang bang part well....but then....later obviously we were losing breath....and hahah for me....i didn't have anymore but i kept on going....and ppl assumed david died, but then some ppl were like "BUT HEY!!! Gary had no sound!!!!" .... @_@ hahahah ppl erupted in laughters cuz i kept on bang banging with no sounds @_@ hahahahahah i like just mouthed them @_@ but hey i wasn't intentionally doing so @_@ hahha damnit so ...yah..we both didn't lose and carried on >.>

next played Gum?  lol i didnt play i just watched them do it ... it;s really kinda hard to explain so i...won't =P But it was a fun game =P

then we finally played Mafia ... it's like a killing game .... heheh lots of bluffing and deception and if ur not good at it (like myself) then u shouldn't be playing hahahaha but yea it was all good >.> i still remember that BIP night i bluffed sooooo basically i ended up killing two mafias...or what anthony would say killing 2 birds with 1 stone? LOL...damnit!  but yea it was a lot of fun!!!  i won't explain how it goes >.> it's too long..

this post is too long already.

Hahaha alritey, everyone carries on with their day!  Until next time .... [next week or god knows when]...OH SHIET  PCAT EXAM COMING SATURDAY.. hhhahahahah so sccrewed. already gave up >.> bleh.

cya!